For those that are still unsure—yes, I have failed my course this year. I will return as a Second year student next year, but there is nothing to regret. In fact, I am really happy that it happened, that I have learnt so much this year, and I’ll explain why.
The start of the 2nd academic year for me was difficult, and this is due to a myriad of reasons. I do not recommend living with your ex–girlfriend, the reasons are obvious.
My flat was slightly different. The environment was made worse when I made a move on a girl. More on that later. Anyway, it was just weird; the atmosphere was weird; having dinner together was weird. What is really weird for me is that none of these things affected me greatly, compared to the other housemates.
In some ways, I am really disappointed in my judgment of people—especially if I develop feelings for them. It’s not something I can control, and I do not apologize for it. I just say it’s “outside my boundary” and live with it. So I had a girl that I had feelings for, and I thought things were going smoothly (it’s almost painstakingly hilarious writing about this event in my current understanding). I told several people about it because I wasn’t able to take it on my own. No doubt, one or all of them began to speak and tell other people (and I know because I can see your teeth from a mile away :)). Of course, the only thing that this girl cares about is her reputation—and I don’t blame her, because we all do that, we all protect ourselves. I can’t fault her for self–defense, and I can’t fault the guy with the big teeth because, hey, let’s face it, I knew he was going to tell people, it’s my fault if it’s anyone’s. Fair game so far.
What threw me off balance was the zealous behaviour of the girl. She is willing to burn anyone for the protection of herself. She’s always the victim. Fair enough. Just remember—and this is on record for anyone who’s really bothered about this: I was the one that initiated all this, I was the one that was seducing. She’s only a victim. There—your reputation is now safe within the reading demographic of unoriginalblog.
This event taught me several things. First, sometimes a really simple thing can be blown out of proportion; misunderstanding goes a long way to screw up people’s relationships. Second, don’t talk behind somebody’s back to gain support, mentally or socially. Third, be open and be ready to change your views about someone or something; don’t support a belief blindly. Fourth, be skeptical about what people tell you; always listen to all sides of the stories before even considering thinking about it; it goes without saying that you shouldn’t make any conclusions! Fifth, there’s a difference between gossiping and ‘case studying’; gossiping is something you do with a group of people to support the general view, also known as bitching; case studying is learning from an event or incident, understanding where and what went wrong, and making sure never to repeat mistakes.
Enough talking about girls so far. Anyway, the price of a friend for all those lessons—priceless, and I hope I was of the same service to her, too.
Football taught me a lot about myself too. Let me digress slightly. I have to thank the girl again because, if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have talked to Harley at all. He was my mental support, kind of. If I had connected with him earlier, it would all be so much easier. It’s hard to explain, but let me get back to football. I have played with Harley before. He knows I get shit angry. Throughout the whole of my life that has always been a problem. I remember collecting some ‘bad behaviour’ token in Junior School because I couldn’t tolerate retards. But—in retrospect, being angry and acting gay is just a form of social–retardedness.
To be honest, being shouted at is no fun. You are not trying to ruin everybody’s game, you don’t deserve the shout. That’s not the way to play football. That’s not the way to behave. I kind of understand that now. It really is different. I can feel the differences when I am playing. Instead of shouting at them, one should motivate them. It’s easier said than done, but I am getting there, slowly. I play with a smile on my face now. In fact, I try to do that in life. Smiling goes a long way.
Anyway, I have had enough writing about what I learnt from the first bit of my Second year. I just wanted to update blog. More on the second part later.